


The Impact of Near-Death Experiences

by JForward



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Drugs, Episode: s05e11 G.I. Jeff, F/M, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Attempted Suicide, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jeff Winger Has Issues, Near Death, new perspective
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 09:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3564434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JForward/pseuds/JForward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff wakes up in the hospital to find Annie has stayed to keep an eye on him. They talk about both sides of the events at the hospital, Jeff admits a couple of things, and maybe they come to trust one another a little more along the way.<br/>[Chapter 2 added by request.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the fourth fanfic I’m writing today I have a problem okay. But I love this episode, it’s one of my favourites, and I just… wanted to do more with it. It makes me uncomfortable that it hasn’t been re-addressed yet and I’m hoping we come back to it. Also I got Annie’s eye colour right this time.

  
After all the hugging and chatter had faded, Jeff found that he was exhausted. Slowly he slipped backwards from the conversation, and the world slipped away around him, as he drifted away to sleep again. When he came to again, blinking slowly in the darkened ward, Jeff was surprised to see a shape sitting next to him. In the semi-comfortable plush chair next to his bed, Annie was dozing apparently, her head tilted in a way that looked uncomfortable. Jeff felt a faint smile on his face, before he reached out, intending to touch her shoulder. But he was too far away. Letting his hand hang over the edge of the bed, he let his eyes linger on Annie’s gently sleeping features for a few moments. Then sighed. It had to be done.

“Annie. Psst, Annie.” he hissed over at her, not sure why because he was in his own room, thank god for good insurance. Maybe it was just the dimmed room; maybe because he didn’t want to disturb anyone in the nearby rooms? Nah. Just didn’t want to startle his friend awake. “Wake up, Annie. Come on.” he called over, softly, and finally her eyes flickered, the slate eyes immediately meeting his own bright blues. A smile crossed his lips, showing teeth, and she smiled back, more subdued than him.  
“Hey. How’re you feeling?” she asked, quiet, stretching a little and moving her chair closer to his bedside. “You fell asleep, and everyone else left.”  
“And you stayed?”  
“Well, yeah. Abed said he’d come pick me up whatever time I need picking up, and I was just… y’know. Kinda worried.” she gave her little shrug.  
“I’m fine, Annie.” he replied, voice soft, as well as his eyes.

“I was really scared.” she admitted, quietly, and reached out, taking the hand that was hanging over the edge of the bed. Slightly surprised, Jeff still didn’t hesitate before he curled his fingers around hers, even with the irritating clip on them. “When we saw you like that… I thought you were going to die. I can’t believe you would overdose, Jeff.”  
“It - it wasn’t an overdose, Annie.” he grimaced, looking back up at the ceiling, “I wasn’t trying to kill myself. It was just a bad night, my life isn’t like that any more. Hasn’t been like that for a long time.” Jeff added, in a murmur, and Annie let out a very quiet ‘aww’. Not so much a ‘that’s sweet’ aww, more a concerned ‘aww’. God, he was categorizing her ‘aww’s now. Rolling his eyes, rather than commenting, he just squeezed her fingertips a little more.

“Jeff…” she stood up, leaning over him, not letting go of his hand despite the fact that she could see him properly now. Pressing her hand more into his palm, so she was holding onto more than his fingertips, Annie reached out and gently cupped his cheek, tilting his head so he was forced to look at her. Embarrassingly, the heart monitor hitched, showing the jump in tempo caused by the contact.  
“What, uh, what time is it?” he said with a hint of a croak in his voice, and she pulled out her phone, hand pulling away from his bristly face.  
“Just after three-thirty in the morning.” Annie told him, still keeping her voice low. “Jeff, can you do me a favour?”  
“Sure.” quiet as he is, his voice is very earnest. “Anything.”  
“Don’t do this kinda thing again. Promise me?”  
“Don’t worry, Annie. I’m not planning -”  
“Promise!” her voice was low but fierce, and her hand tightened on his, the other gripping too. He gave her a soft smile.  
“Alright. I promise, Annie. I promise. Do you need a pinky swear, or is my word enough?” Annie chuckled ever so slightly, and nodded.  
“I guess your word’ll do.” she whispered.

Stroking a thumb over his knuckles, she went quiet a moment, just searching his face. “Are you going to want to talk about it? I mean, I know you said a bit to the group, but you didn’t really… I mean. Go into any details. And I know it might be hard, but I’m here to listen, alright?” Jeff hesitated. But she looked so damned scared, and he wasn’t sure if he’d been able to pull himself out of the warped reality if they hadn’t been talking to him… his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard.  
“Wouldn’t you rather go home, have a shower, get some sleep?” he asked, soft, letting his eyes seek out hers again, wide in the gloom. “You can’t’ve been comfortable in that chair-”  
“Jeff, stop trying to divert me.” she said, reaching out to brush a little hair out of his face, but drawing her hand in quickly again. “I want to hear it, if you want to share. And if you don’t want to talk about it with anyone else either, that’s fine. But I think you should.”  
“You’re starting to sound like Britta.” he muttered.  
“Wow. Harsh.” Annie teased, “How could you wound me like that? Now you have no choice but to tell me.” he grimaced again, nose wrinkling.

Untangling her hand from his, Annie scooted away, coming back with a cup of water, offering it to him with a straw. He muttered about not being an invalid, but accepted a sip anyway. Putting the glass aside, pulling the chair right up to the side of the bed, taking his hand again - as he hadn’t moved it. “Alright, I’m ready to listen.” she informed him. Rolling his eyes, Jeff hesitated, but then launched into it. If he trusted anyone with this, it was her, and as they’d clearly worried so much, he sorta felt he owed it to his friend.  
“It was just… a bad day for me, alright? I’d been up all the previous night, because I couldn’t get off to sleep, and I was just thinking about how the hell I went from being a successful lawyer to ending up in this hellhole…”

* * *

 

It had been an impulse buy. A little Korean ‘pharmaceutical’ shop, advertising these wondrous anti-aging pills in the window. He wasn’t sure if he was ever going to use them, but some vain, narcissistic impulse pushed him to do so. The packet had stayed in his pocket for two days before his birthday. It was absolutely remarkable that the dean hadn’t come into his office to crow about Jeff’s birthday, but he was remarkably good at keeping things like that a secret. A birthday hadn’t been a real excuse for a celebration since he turned 21.

Work. On your birthday. For once, Jeff had actually welcomed being there, a good distraction, so he’d thought - but with his eyes constantly picking out all these people, teachers mostly, but even people like Leonard - this place was like a Venus fly trap, it lured you in, snapped you up, and devoured you until there was nothing left but a husk. For the man who’d managed to practice as a lawyer for seven years with no formal training, just his wit, attitude and snappy dressing, this was a fate worse than death. Somehow, the idea had wormed it’s way into Jeffrey Winger’s skull that he might be able to get back into the business if he was just… younger. A bright faced twenty five year old again, who talked his way into shadowing one of the few men he admired, then he could manage it all again. No Greendale. No life down the drain.

He was old. No doubt about it. Fourty. A turning point in a road he’d never wanted to go down. Once a train on the tracks, now just a horse and cart, pondering his way into obscurity. Aging and falling apart, like a -  
_“Jeff, I get the metaphor. You sound like Abed. Come on, get on with it.”_  
_“Sorry.”_  
It was lunch when he’d gone to his office; Hickey was in the canteen, but Jeff felt no need to eat. No desire at all. Part of the reason he’d been pushing himself so hard with the working out was the whole need to stay young; eating had been getting steadily less appealing anyway. The bottle of scotch that Pierce had given him had sat under his desk all this time, not needed because of the free booze in the faculty lounge (even if that was a fairly shitty Scotch, it was better than his own. And he was kind of saving this good scotch for a good occasion.) Picking it up, he’d opened the box, spending a good amount of time staring at the back of the bottle.

Three glasses, neat - and a decent amount in each. A handful of old toys he’d found while sorting his apartment, dumped in a box; from the time when he’d had friends… The bottle was about half empty by the time he had the pills on the table. Fighting with himself about whether or not to take them, whether it was worth it… “No time like the present.” Jeff whispered, pouring almost a whole quarter of the bottle into the glass. Three tablets (no he hadn’t read the back of the packet), downing the glass in two big gulps. The last glass had lasted him maybe twenty minutes, when he started getting dizzy. He’d just thought it was the powerful booze, of course, but there’d been the faint sound of footsteps down the corridor as his head had slumped onto the desk, arm knocking the last of the booze over as he went limp.

* * *

 

“Then I had the … really disturbing G.I Joe fantasy. That you were all in. That was really intense.”  
“We got bits of that.” Annie admitted, softly, “It wasn’t too much of a surprise when you told that to us, after coming to the first time. I mean, you kept muttering things. We were just trying to get you to wake up.” she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, shaking her head just a little. “You, um. You had an - an attack, we said... A couple of them. They were like fits. That was when we were really scared that you were going to die.” there were tears in her eyes and his own widened, reaching up to brush the liquid away with the back of his hand, now she was close enough.  
“Annie, I’m fine. It’s fine. What happened after I passed out in my office?” Jeff asked, trying to distract her.

She sniffled slightly, forcing a smile. “It was the dean that found you.” Annie said, voice barely over a whisper. “It was probably him you heard coming down the corridor. The paramedics thought we’d gotten to you quickly, from your - condition.”

* * *

 

The last thing the Dean had expected was to find Jeff Winger passed out in his office. It wasn’t the first time that Jeff had feigned unconsciousness to avoid having to spend time with the hyperactive head of school, so at first, Craig had assumed it was just another one of those situations. 

“Oh, Jeffrey!” he sing-songed. “A little birdy told me it’s your biiirthdayyyy!” approaching, Craig reached out and shook his shoulder. “Don’t pretend to be asleep. There’s no escaping this birthday love train, toot toot!” he imitated pulling a chain, chuckling. But it slid away. “… Jeffrey?” shaking his shoulder harder, bespectacled eyes flickered over the table. A packet of pills, an empty bottle, a glass - “Oh no. Jeffrey, oh no-” all those jokes about wanting to kill himself, the suicide references, the distasteful jabs when somebody pushed him? All of them drew up inside the dean’s head and hit him hard enough to almost make him collapse.

Thankfully, the dean did occasionally have a little bit of sense.

_“We got a phonecall. Well, I did. Dean Pelton phoned me in tears, like he was having a panic attack. He said he’d already called an ambulance, that you were in your office and it looked like a suicide attempt.”_  
_“He told you I’d tried to kill myself?”_  
_“Yeah. I just told everyone else that you needed to go to the hospital, and that we should meet you there. Nobody but the dean and the paramedics actually saw your office, me and him were the only ones actually around at the time.”_  
_“What were you doing there so late?”_  
_“Just sorting some things out. Did you want to hear the rest of how we saved your sorry ass, or is that enough?”_  
_“Sorry. Go on.”_  
_“So we had Craig screaming and sobbing, everyone else was meeting us there, and there was only one person allowed in the ambulance - that was him. Seeing you on that stretcher was the worst shock, I think.”_

The paramedics had wasted no time in getting Jeff onto a stretcher, taking the packet of Korean pills and the empty bottle with them while they strapped an oxygen mask onto his face. The dean trailed along with them, in tears, cursing himself into the ground about being a bad dean to let this happen to one of his teachers. Annie followed behind the ambulance in her shitty car, not caring about laws, just going in the wake of the wailing vehicle. By the time she managed to get through the red tape in the hospital, he was already in a bed, hooked up to machines, oxygen mask still on his face. The various members of their group had already gathered around, some in chairs, the rest stood up. The dean was pacing, and occasionally curling up with some tissues.

“We were stood around you, talking, when we got the first response from you since - well - before you were found. You’d just been laying there like a log, pale as a sheet, and soaked in sweat. Your heart was erratic as hell. The doctors kept talking about you in clusters, and nobody would actually tell us anything. Craig was way too out of it - every time someone asked, he just got all flustered and started crying again.”  
“What happened? What did you say?”  
“Greendale.”

“Do you think we’ll even be able to stay at Greendale if Jeff dies?” Abed asked, tilting his head a little to the side. “I mean, it’d kind of ruin the premise. He’s our lead man, and if he wasn’t working at Greendale, or at least there in some capacity, then-” The heart monitor started to pick up. Rapidly. The beeps got faster and faster, Jeff’s breathing hitching, accelerating. His back arched slightly, pushing his head into the pillows.  
“Oh my god, he’s having an attack. Jeff! Can you hear us? It‘s Annie!” Annie had realised first, leaning in over Jeff‘s prone form.  
“What did you call me?” the mumble was faint, slurred, but the whole group jerked as one. Maybe this was a good thing?  
“Jeffrey! Do you know where you are?!” Britta called, leaning on the other side, trying to get a response from him. The escalating heart monitor was drawing doctors, rapidly. A nurse jerked up the sides of the bed as he twitched.

  
“Leave me alone - I don’t belong here - I belong - G.I Joe -” the words slipped from Jeff’s mouth, face scrunching, turning his head ever so slightly. Hands clawed into the bedding. At least he wasn’t comatose any more, right? One of the doctors grabbed him on the shoulder and the result was a violent jerk. “Don’t touch me!” the clearest thing he’d said since passing out, but after just a moment, the monitor started to slow, and he sunk back into that utterly still state, apart from hitching breathing. After the movements of the last moment, that was more frightening than before.  
“I need to get a coffee.” Shirley said, voice almost cracking, “I - I’ll be back soon.” she fled the room, clearly scared out of her wit. All of them were. But exchanged glances told them that they were all in this for the long run. Abed rested his hand on Annie’s shoulder, comfortingly as he could.  
“I think I have an idea what’s going on here.” the nerd said quietly, looking around at those assembled. “And I don’t think Jeff’s going to be able to get out of there without our help.”

_“We all just thought it was Abed being - well - Abed. Pulling away from reality because he couldn’t deal with it.”_  
_“But he was right.”_  
_“Yeah. World works in mysterious ways sometimes, huh?”_  
_“Abed works in mysterious ways. I, uh. I remember you guys talking to me. In the - the - the episode I was in, Abed‘s character - Fourth Wall - he kept saying ‘Greendale‘. Something tried to pull me out, but I was fighting it. I didn‘t want to wake up.”_  
_“I think it was worse the second time it happened, though. I mean, that one was such a shock… we thought it might be a sign you were getting better.”_  
_“The second time, was it Abed saying ‘Greendale’ again?”_  
_“Yeah.”_  
_“I remember. I was flying a submachopter.”_

“All of our breakdowns seem to be centred around Greendale, has anyone noticed that? Probably because it’s the main set of our-” his contemplative voice was cut off by Shirley’s gasp.  
“Jeffrey?” it was a low gasp. Everybody thought they saw it, freezing. A flicker. His eyes opened for just a moment, then going back shut. Still. No sign in the heart monitor, no jump. “Did anybody else see that? Jeff. Jeffrey! I know you opened your eyes. Please. We’re worried about you.” The room’s door almost exploded open as Chang came in, panting. They shot him a glance, then back to Jeff, as he was the priority right now. “What about Greendale? You gotta remember Greendale, Jeffrey.” Shirley added, knowing it was the word that seemed to have gotten the most response from him. But no dice.

“Come on. Wake up, Jeff. Please.” Britta murmured, face pulling together so it looked like she might burst into tears. “He’s gotta be trying, right? I mean… that wouldn’t’ve happened otherwise. He’ll wake up. He’ll be fine.” she stepped away a bit, leaning into Shirley, letting the tears start to appear. The rest of the group stayed quiet, even as Shirley hugged and slightly rocked the younger woman. But slowly, the immediate tension faded, until they’d all pulled back a little. Drinking the coffees that Shirley had brought, trying to not fall apart over the fact that Jeff was essentially dying in the bed a few feet away.

_“I think I got some bits and pieces while I was out of it, there. I’m not sure how much of it my brain made up in the cartoon and how much really got said.”_  
_“Abed spent a lot of time talking to you, just… doing his meta thing. I think he’d figured a lot of it out.”_  
_“Yeah. That makes sense, I suppose. It‘s just - I knew you guys want to think that I really wanted to wake up, but I didn‘t. I didn‘t want to face reality…”_  
_“I’m glad you woke up. I didn’t want you to die. I don’t know what I would’ve done.”_  
_“Yeah. I heard that bit, too.”_

Hours had passed by now. Jeff had been quiet for a long time, breathing still shallow but not hitching as much. They’d taken the oxygen mask away, pumped his stomach, left him with a fluid drip and a heart monitor. All of them took turns standing around him, but Abed did it the most, constantly murmuring. Every so often, Jeff would murmur something in response, and the group would look up. But it seemed like just faint, slurred words. They were all hoping, praying, that Jeff was going to wake up. The lack of real response wasn’t pushing Abed away, though.  
“Jeff Winger…” he mumbled, and then she was sure she heard her name. Annie got up, rocketing to his side, leaning over him. A faint sob escaped from her throat, as much as she tried to resist it. Jeff didn’t like her crying.  
“Please wake up, Jeff. I don’t want you to die.” she whimpered, taking ahold of Jeff’s limp hand, clutching it tight.

Another twenty minutes had passed and the group had moved away again, Chang pacing, Abed still stood there, staring at him. The muttering was getting more common, though. At one point, Abed actually sat back from him and smiled.  
“Abed, what’s going on?” Annie asked him, quietly, “Is something happening?”  
“I think he’s going to wake up soon.” Everybody looked around, eyes widening at Abed.  
“And - why?”  
“He’s realised that he wants to leave the delusion and now the only thing in his way is his willpower. And we know what that’s like.” they all agreed that they knew that, but on the flipside, Abed was being Abed.

A couple of minutes later and the heart monitor began to pick up.  
“Told you.”  
“Oh my god, Jeff…” they gathered around him as the beeping escalated. His face was moving. Breathing hitched, sped up. “Come on. Come on, wake up, you can do it.” the Dean whispered, leaning in close. Then - miracle of miracles. His eyes opened, slow and unfocused.  
“Oh, his eyes are opening!” Shirley said, almost cooing.  
“Yeah, but that happens when people die too.” Abed supplied.  
“Oh.”  
Britta leant in, slapping his face. Then Chang and the dean joined in.  
“I’m awake, I’m awake!”  
The relief in the room was palpable.

_“And, well, you know the rest.”_  
_“Yeah.”_

* * *

 

“I still can’t believe the first thing you asked was that I hid my birthday. Like that was the point.” Jeff scoffed, slightly, gesturing for her to pass the water. She did so.  
“Yeah, but it was the only thing I could think to say. I mean, I didn’t want to tell you off, but… “  
“Don’t worry. I’m not offended.” he squeezed her hand again. “Thought the way Britta said ‘I’m so sorry’ when I revealed how old I was really didn’t help. Actually, it definitely wasn’t the best response, but-”  
“Yeah, well, it’s because you still look like you’re in your late twenties.” he gave her a wide, toothsome grin.  
“You know how to make a man feel better.” Jeff teased, lightly, and Annie chuckled. “I dunno, maybe it won’t be so bad. As long as I don’t end up like Pierce.” he made a face of clear disgust and she laughed again.  
“Well, you don’t look nearly as pale and horrible as you did when you first woke up.” she said, quietly, reaching out to fidget the blanket a bit higher up him. “You did really look like you were dying, Jeff. You promise me you weren’t trying to kill yourself?” she couldn’t help the way her voice got softer, concerned, eyes widening, pout in place.  
“No need to Disney me, Annie. I’m not going back to that again. I promise.”  
“You know, I’m going to have to get you talk about that at some point.” He didn’t respond, glancing away from her. “Hey, I’m serious.” she leant over him, cupping his cheek with her spare hand again.

His blue eyes met her slate ones again, and he sighed ever so slightly.  
“That’ll take a lot of persuading.” Jeff murmured, “It’s not really something I think I’m ready to discuss with anyone, Annie. And I don’t think being, uh - being fourty is, either.” he shrugged, as best he could while lying down.  
“But you did just manage to tell me about that.” she pointed out, and he had to tilt his head, concede a point. She was leaning closer, hand still on his cheek. “And I don’t want you to think that I’m - that none of us care, Jeff. All of us do. Any time you need help I’m here, alright? And I promise not to Britta it.” he smiled and she matched it. Then leant in a little more.

He wasn’t quite sure who really instigated it, only that he leant up the inch and brought their lips together. It wasn’t deeply passionate or brief and familial - it wandered a line. When a few seconds had passed and he brought up a hand to touch her cheek, the clip on his finger brought him crashing back to reality. Jeff let his head fall back onto the pillow, blinking up at her, mouth still slightly open. Annie moved back quickly, releasing his hand, cheeks flushing again. “I, uh - I’ll call Abed. And, uh - see you. Tomorrow. Alright?” she pretty much fled into the other room. His whisper of her name was almost too faint to hear, but she paused at the door, looked back over her shoulder.  
“Maybe I will tell you about it some time,” he called over to her, in a low voice. “Thanks, Annie.” she smiled, and ducked out the door, and left Jeff with his very confused thoughts.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W/N: Somebody requested I continue this, so I am! I have a lot of thoughts about this but I honestly see it as something Jeff could really have gone through. The way he was raised, the way he is now - well. I’ll let you draw your own opinions, but I’m not adverse to discussion/commentary! Feel free to review with your own opinion.

Annie came back the next day, as she’d promised. Abed came with her; he’d gone through a load of checks in the morning, and they’d finally said he could go home - as long as somebody checked in on him and he came straight back if there were any further effects from the drugs. So when the pair of them turned up, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing the same clothes he’d worn the day before. Blackberry in hand, he was tapping and turning it between two fingers on his knee, jiggling slightly as he waited. Blue eyes turned towards hers as she came in, smile spreading his lips. “Out of power.” he explained, holding up the dead phone, before getting to his feet. The only really sign of his previous day was the slight pallor of Jeff’s skin and the way his shoulders sloped forward ever so slightly. 

“So what did they say?” Annie asked, quietly, as they went to leave the hospital, all the paperwork already having been handed in. He looked down at her, at her pleading face, and smiled again.  
“Just the usual hospital drivel. Have someone keep an eye on me, don’t do it again, take it easy, come back if anything develops.” he shrugged, “I don’t think I’ve ever let my hair look this bad in public.” Jeff added, lightly, and when she giggled his smile spread to a toothsome grin. More seen now than it had been when they first met, that was for sure. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” patting Annie on the shoulder, he let his hand drop again, as they cleared final security and were released from the jail. (In Jeff’s mind, at least.) Automatically, he went to get in the front, then realised what he was doing, and moved to sit in the back instead. Abed had already started the engine when he pulled his belt on.

Then Annie sat next to him.

Surprised, Jeff looked around at her, and she smiled up at him, doing that little half-shrug Annie always did when she was a little uncertain of herself. Neither of them spoke about it, though, as Abed pulled out of the car park. He was a good driver. Honestly, first of all that had surprised Jeff, but after a bit of thought he’d figured it wasn’t that confusing. Abed was a computer, after all. Turning his head, Jeff stared out the window, but was quickly drawn back - by her hand on his forearm. Raising an eyebrow, he tried to prompt her to get to the point. It worked.  
“So, um, Jeff. You said the doctors said you needed someone to keep an eye on you, right?”  
“Yeah… why?” he extended the ‘yeah’, sure he knew where this was going.   
“Well, why don’t I come round and make sure that nothing happens? I mean, I know how to cook, and you know that I won’t let you do anything stupid, so-” she spoke over him rolling his eyes.

“Annie, I don’t actually need someone watching over me, you know that, right?” Jeff responded, with a sigh, picking a loose string off his sleeve, “It’s just - y’know. Make sure someone phones you in the evening and that.”  
“Jeff,” crap, she had that tone of voice she gained when she was determined to get what she wanted. The Disney pout was going to be close on its heels - and there it was. “The doctors said they need you to be supervised, and I really think you should listen to them.” her eyes dropped ever so slightly. “You really scared us, Jeff. I don’t think you realised how close you were to - y’know… dying.” she looked close to tears. Damnit.

“Alright, alright, Annie. Fine. But I don’t have a spare bedroom, and no, that’s not me trying to get in your pants.” he conceded, “So you’ll have to go home tonight. Got it?” she beamed and nodded, apparently overjoyed by getting to keep an eye on him. He leant back in his seat again, resuming staring out of the window. “And why are you getting Abed to drive you around? You have a car.”  
“It’s in the shop.” Annie shrugged slightly.   
“I wanted to make sure you were okay too, Jeff.” Abed said from the front, proving he’d been listening, “And it made more sense for us to carpool. Plus, Annie’s driving is unsafe.”  
“Hey!” Annie squeaked, “I’m a very safe driver.” the traditional pout popped up, but Jeff just smirked, not interrupting.   
“Anyway,” Abed continued, “Annie’s right, Jeff.” a scowl from the teacher in the car, who hated to admit that he definitely knew they were both right. “You need observation in case something happens. Plus, your emotional state is probably unstable, judging by your actions yesterday, and you need someone to mediate that. Annie is good at reading emotions. Me, not so much.” 

Jeff didn’t reply. Yep. Not wrong. Ugh. Friends. Who could live with them? Who could live without them? Well… he wouldn’t be alive without them, he supposed. Abed pulled up outside his apartment, and Jeff got out of the car after Annie. Leaning in to the window, Jeff smiled at Abed.   
“Thanks, man. Means a lot.” Abed just nodded. Patting the younger man on the shoulder, Jeff turned and continued up the steps, glad to be at his own home again. “Wait.” he whispered, catching Annie’s shoulder. She turned, raising an eyebrow, and he gestured at Dean Pelton’s door. “Go listen.” he murmured, “If he’s in there, you’re on Dean-flecting duty. Deflecting! Duty.” he correct, “God, I’m catching it.” she muffled a chuckle, before moving away to the door. Leaning her ear on the door, she waited a moment, before looking back at him. “I can’t hear him.” she called.

Hushing her, Jeff scurried over, and listened too. “Okay, he’s definitely not in there, he would’ve attacked me when he heard my voice. Good.” he gave her a grin like his old self, before opening the door, letting her in in front of him. It looked the way it had yesterday, before he’d gone in to work, and there was something calming about that. “Alright. Uh. Get comfy or whatever, I’m gonna grab a shower, alright? Something feels wrong about wearing the clothes I passed out in.” she nodded, looking around the space. There was a recycling bin near the door - full of empty glass bottles, mostly scotch ones. Most of the place was tidy, just a little scruffy, but there were glasses with faint, sticky golden marks in the bottom scattered around. Jeff didn’t seem to think anything was weird with it, moving off to the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind him.

When he emerged, feeling considerably better than he had before he went in. Hair wet, a towel around his shoulders and the other around his waist. Annie looked up, perched on the sofa, and then immediately started shuffling things around, tidying around her. But from the looks of the place, she already had tidied, considerably. His eyes raked around his apartment, picking up the lack of glasses, the dishwasher churning - mugs on the tree, etcetera. She must’ve emptied and loaded it again.   
“You, uh. You tidied.” he said, pretending he didn’t notice the way her eyes kept flickering to and away from his still-damp form. Flattering.  
“Well, y’know. I wanted to help.” she offered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “And I couldn’t work out how to turn on your TV, so…”

“Yeah. Sure. I’m… gonna get dressed.” he jerked his thumb at his room, before vanishing into it. Then returned, throwing the door open. “You tidied my bedroom?” he hissed, and her cheeks flushed. “Annie! That’s my room! It’s - private!”  
“I was just - trying to help!” Annie responded, in the way that he knew meant she knew what she’d done wrong. “Jeff! How much booze do you have in this place?” changing the subject, clever, but he was still angry. And damp.   
“That’s besides the point, Annie! I get you want to take care of me, and that’s sweet, but you need to understand that I am an adult, and I can take care of myself-”  
“So much care that you ended up dying in hospital!”   
There was silence, and he exhaled sharply, before turning and shutting the bedroom door firmly behind himself. For almost ten whole minutes, silence reigned in the apartment.

Guilt had clawed it’s way into Annie, and it took everything she had to not get up and nervously tidy the place up even more. She sat on the sofa, not daring to move, rubbing at her eyes with a tissue and nervously wondering if he’d passed out.   
But when the time had passed, Jeff opened his bedroom door, leaning against the wooden siding. His arms were folded, face serious. “Alright.” despite the hard face, his voice was soft. “I’m sorry, Annie. I’ve had a trying couple of days, and I… don’t respond well to not being in control of my life. As you might’ve noticed. So maybe -” he glanced at the clock, it was almost 1pm. “We can go out for a nice, friendly late lunch, and play pretend that I am definitely okay, and when I feel like I am in total control of myself, we can come back here and watch trash TV and do absolutely nothing. Does that work for you?”  
Annie smiled.  
“That works. Alright.” her eyes went down to her hands. “And if it helps, Jeff. I’m sorry about tidying your room.”  
Jeff walked towards her, and her slate eyes went back up, meeting his own bright ones. He was wearing the cobalt shirt, a throwback to their early days, even tighter now, another button open at the neck; skinny jeans. He looked almost like his old self. Even his hair had been styled up. No wonder it had taken ten minutes. He’d calmed down with self-pampering.

“Annie, it’s fine. You were… just trying to help. And you’ve learnt your lesson. Right?” she nodded, and he smiled. “Right. Good. There’s a little café just down the road that’s pretty nice. Sound good?” Annie nodded, and Jeff offered her his hand, “Milady.”  
“M’lord.” she said, taking it, and letting him pull her to her feet. Together, they walked out of the apartment.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a nice little place. It was just after lunchtime, so fairly quiet. Him and Annie sat at a corner table, a mug of coffee in front of him and a mug of hot chocolate in front of her. He’d paid, so she had cream and marshmallows on top, stirring with the long spoon provided. His hands were wrapped around the coffee mug, not drinking, but the silence was quite comfortable.   
“You still look tired.” Annie said, quietly, “You sure you didn’t need a nap, instead of stimulants?” she suggested.  
“Annie,” Jeff’s response was dry, “I don’t think I could cope with a day like yesterday without coffee.” she smiled slightly, “It’s like you and chocolate. It just helps.” she nodded with the smile back on her face, her expression softening his own. “I gotta say, even if you did violate my privacy, I’m glad you decided to stay. I wouldn’t’ve liked to be alone in my condo today.” the words weren’t said, but they both knew he meant with the booze.

“Jeff, um. I wanted to ask.” she dipped the spoon in and out of her drink as he raised an eyebrow, “What you mentioned in the hospital. Are we going to talk about that?” immediately, he let go of his drink and slouched back in his chair, and she did her mini-panic thing. “Oh, Jeff, no, don’t worry, it’s fine, I shouldn’t’ve mentioned it -”  
“Not here.” he replied, keeping his voice low, “That’s… not something I can talk about in public. I trust you, Annie, alright? But I’ve never told anyone. Not even my shrink.” he let his eyes meet hers again, trying to entreat her to understand. Without warning, she leant forward, taking his hand. Surprise crossed his features, and he gave a tight smile, letting her hold it with both hers. “I’m fine, Annie. I’ve been fine a long time.”  
“Fine enough to pass out in your office?” she whispered, and he scowled.  
“Are you ever going to let that go?” she shook her head, and Jeff groaned. “You’re evil. Pure evil.”  
“I know.” Annie replied, in a voice as sweet as sugar.

Taking a gulp of his drink with his free hand, Jeff leant back in, before resting his elbow on the desk. His eyes met hers again. “So, can I ask you something?” she nodded, listening. “Did you try to open my hair-care safe?”

\-------------------------------------------------

They were laughing as they opened the door to his apartment again, and all Annie could see was how Jeff had brightened up. He was swaggering again, arms and hips loose, that smile back on his face, and she couldn’t help but beam back at him. After seeing him in that hospital bed, so pale, with that heart monitor -  
“What?” he’d seen the way her face fell. “Annie? What’s wrong? I thought we were having fun..” he asked, that slight frown, the traditional Jeff Winger head tilt and squint in her direction.   
“I was. I am, Jeff. I was just - thinking about yesterday. About you in that bed-”  
“Annie-”  
“No, Jeff, you can’t keep brushing this off! It was serious. We’re all so, so worried about you. And spending a couple hours with you is good, and I do like hanging out, Jeff, but I wouldn’t’ve forced you to let me come ‘round if -”  
“I knew this was a plot! I knew it! You’re just here to stop me drinking and-” “I’m here to stop you from trying to kill yourself!” Jeff recoiled at the anger in her voice, mouth dropping, blinking rapidly at her.   
“You think I really want to kill myself?” he said, all the relaxation of the visit to the coffee shop gone. “The group - really thinks I want to kill myself?” she nodded, eyes wide and damp, pouting slightly. “Annie, why in the hell would you think that?! I don’t think you’ve noticed, but I’m not the kind of man to deprive people of my face, alright?” Jeff gestured at himself. 

“You make jokes all the time.” she said, quietly, “Even in the first semester, when you were homeless. You constantly make comments about suicide notes, about dying. How can we know you didn’t have some meaning behind it?” Annie said, pushing past him, sitting heavily on the sofa. “Don’t think we haven’t noticed, Jeff. You always hang out on the edge. At the dance, with Chang. You remember that? You just… hung back. Watching. In the third year, at the housewarming party? Everyone was dancing and you stood there and watched. You haven’t changed that much.” she swallowed hard as Jeff slowly sat next to her on the sofa, staring at her, eyes slightly widened and jaw slightly open. “I spent a lot of time with addicts. And a lot of addicts try to end it. I’ve seen the signs.”  
“I’m fine!”   
“No you’re not!” and she was crying again, and he got to his feet, uncomfortable. Going into the kitchen, he reached for the bottle that had been there earlier, but found it gone. Muttering a curse, he stared around the kitchen, not sure what to do.

“Jeff…” Annie took a deep breath, “Please talk to me. I’m sorry, I’m getting emotional, and I know that’s hard for you.” he looked over at her.   
“Annie, shut up. You’re digging a hole. Just- give me a minute.” and she did, thank god. Rubbing at his eyes, then his jaw, he slowly walked over to the sofa and sat down again. “The last time I wanted to do that, I’d just been debarred. I thought there was no excuse, no way that I could get back to it, and I … fell apart. I tried the obvious method, first.” as he spoke, he was undoing his watch strap. When it was removed, Jeff offered his arm to Annie; the white line across his wrist drew her eyes. Then, cautiously, she gripped the underside of his arm, before slowly trailing a finger over the mark. He let his eyes meet hers, seeing how the tears had bubbled up again, and slid his arm free, putting the Rolex back on with stiff movements. 

“As you might’ve guessed, it didn’t work. All I did was ruin some bed sheets and lay there long enough to realise it was no good. And it hurt. I don’t know if you’ve met me, but pain isn’t my favourite thing.” she nodded, with a faint hint of a smile. “So I tried the obvious other way. The way that’s supposed to hurt the least.” Looking down at his hands, Jeff couldn’t help but let a little shame slip into his voice. “Nobody was going to find me, which was what messed it up the time before. Nobody was going to stop me. So I drank most of a bottle of Vodka - I think I was trying to punish myself in more ways than one - and I took a handful of the antidepressants my shrink had given me. Only time I ever took them.” he snorted. Annie reached out, grabbing ahold of his hand, and this time he let her. 

“Who found you?” she whispered.   
“Nobody.”  
“What d’you mean, nobody? You’re alive! Somebody must’ve found you.”   
Jeff shook his head slightly, “I, uh. A lot of people would say I came to my senses, but I wimped out. I’m a coward, Annie. I panicked, made myself throw up until nothing else would come up. Had a shower, wrapped my wrist, went to sleep in crunchy sheets. I woke up in the morning, so I guess I got it out of my system in time.” Annie looked up at him, then jerked across the small space, wrapping her arms around his chest. Slightly startled, he wrapped his arms back around her, letting her cling to him. “You aren’t in any danger of me trying to kill myself, Annie. I may be a self-centered, egotistical bastard who doesn’t respected anyone but himself - but those kinds of people don’t kill themselves. They either change into the type of people who would, or wimp out.” resting his cheek on her hair, he sighed.

“Now can we please stop fighting and just order a pizza or something?” Jeff murmured, “Have I spilt my guts enough?” Annie released him, leaning back, and he met her eyes. “That was a long time ago, okay? I’ve changed. I just wanted to be younger, not … not gone. I have too much here to stay for now, alright?”  
“Aww.” she said, quietly, tilting her head with a little smile. “Yeah. Okay. Pizza sounds good.” he got up to go get the landline phone, but she got ahold of his wrist, holding him still. “Thank you. For trusting me.” Jeff nodded slightly, then went and got ahold of his phone. While he was ordering, Annie pulled out a tissue, wiping her face clear and trying to get ahold of her feelings. Looking at him as he talked on the phone, she wondered how he’d gone from - that - to the strong, cocky man she’d known at college - to a teacher, her best friend, and … someone she thought she might actually love.

**Author's Note:**

> Please kudo and comment, comments are all joy in this world.


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